we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
