If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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