I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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