We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
