she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
