I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
