cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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