So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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