your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
