Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
