it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
