Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
