I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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