Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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