i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was so not down for the gang bang
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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