He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
