And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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