they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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