I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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