I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
