My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
