We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
