my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
