Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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