If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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