I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
