just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
