chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
