pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
