You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
