I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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