My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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