Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
