YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
