Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
