no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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