Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
