wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We are all done wearing pants today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
