oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
