There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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