There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
