and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
