I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
