I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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