I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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