Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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