last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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