I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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