hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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