the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
