He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
