I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think people are normalizing furries
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
