so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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