worst night to have a conscience
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
