Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
