my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
