I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
