if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
