and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
