Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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