mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize