How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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