im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
